Two Sides of the Same Coin
by notbang
Summary: After Thomas's death, Jarod watches Miss P and wonders if what he did was really for the best of if it only served to accomplish something They never could. Breaking her.


**Two Sides of the Same Coin**

**Rating: **PG

**Chronology:** Set immediately after _Wake Up._

**Genre:** Angst/Romance (eek – here I go again! :P)

**Notes:** Another piece, very much along the same lines as _Beauty and the Beast_ and _Drowning_, except this one is from Jarod's POV rather than Parker's. And it's less angsty. Yup, still sad and no-hope-for-them-ish, but it's in the I-see-it-understand-it-accept-it-and-can-live-with-it kind of way, rather than me killing anyone or ripping them apart as I tend to do.

addicted to brackets :P

xXxXxXxXxXx

His hand resting lightly on the cell phone in the right pocket of his leather jacket, Jarod slinked quietly in amongst the shadows falling all around him. He felt an icy chill sweep over him, though was a relatively warm night. He'd never been comfortable in this part of the world but it was the last thing on his mind as he stood, standing, watching, waiting.

_[I'd always thought of you and I as two pieces of the same puzzle]_

It was spring in Bluecove, Delaware and the sun was going down a little later as summer approached. Despite the wide berth he subconsciously tended to give the state, he'd been drawn there by a connection that defied definition, and he knew it was beyond him to even attempt to ignore it.

_[Half the jigsaw was still missing but at least we weren't entirely alone]_

She was curled on the couch; one hand nursing a glass containing the previous contents of a now empty bottle of scotch. The alcohol had replaced him as her best friend and she'd taken up smoking again.

_[We've kept each other one step ahead of hollowness all these years]_

It's not unusual to see her this way. From the distance he was standing at he would say it was entirely normal if he didn't know better.

_[I'd watch you with him and think maybe I was wrong. He was your other puzzle piece. He was there to help fill the void created when you lost your mother. Fill the void that I never could]_

A few weeks ago she wouldn't have been alone. She would have been in the company of another; a man, one with lighter hair than his and eyes that were blue, not brown. She didn't drink or smoke in his presence and he supposed that was because she didn't have to.

_[He made you smile and I wonder how I can hate him and respect him for it all at once]_

A few weeks ago she would have been laughing at his jokes, eating dinner with him, maybe dancing.

_[I set you up, you know; I saw something in his eyes that reminded me of how you used to be]_

Maybe she would have been wearing her hair in curls.

_[I wanted to show you that your chance at happiness wasn't over]_

She never wore her hair in curls.

_[I thought he'd make you happy]_

He loved it in curls.

_[He did]_

Everything about that other man had made her different but it had been in a good way. Perhaps she wasn't being different. Perhaps she was just being herself for once.

_[But now I'm left wondering if what I did was really for the best as I watch you, eyes red rimmed from crying and your spine curled in despair as if it may never straighten again]_

She never acted like herself.

_[Left wondering if what I did only served to act for something I'd thought no one capable of accomplishing]_

He had known her as a little girl, and she had been the most amazing and intriguing thing he'd ever known. She'd been fiery and passionate and sweet and tender all at once and back then she wouldn't have been afraid to dance.

_[Breaking you, destroying you]_

He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it had happened, but if his life depended on it, he would have said the day she'd watched her mother die in an elevator. They hadn't broken her then; what they'd done was created a force to be reckoned with. Someone once said, that which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

_[He was my friend too; but as I grieve I'm not entirely who it is I'm grieving for – him, or you]_

She'd been to hell and back again more times than she could count but somehow she'd always come out on top. He'd wanted to let her know she could still be loved. Maybe he'd succeeded, just for a moment of paradise, but hadn't he been the one to say that love was a strength and a weakness all at once?

_[I feel your pain as if it were my own. I always have and I suppose it works both ways because you and I have always been more alike than we've been willing to admit]_

He'd messed up trying to help her because her strengths were her weaknesses and she had probably had a more accurate view of it all along; he'd helped coax her into letting her feet leave the ground but in doing so had set her up for a bigger fall.

_[Now I realize that you and I are possibly closer than we can fathom; back to back as two sides of the same coin]_

Heart heavy as his eyes follow her defeated form as it moves to stand at the window, recognition flashes across his features when he sees something akin to himself in the way she stands.

_[Never able to escape]_

She was tired.

_[Inevitably joined with no hopes of breaking free, even if we wanted to]_

He thinks they both know deep down that maybe they'll never be able to overcome the state of inertia they've fallen into.

_[Two sides of the same coin]_

At that point in time he's willing to embrace it if it means she'll leave her house for the Centre. To snap and to snarl and to chase after him brandishing a gun. To change into barely legal attire with killer high heels and pull on her mask of ice.

_[I guess what I failed to realize is]_

Because although he'd spent a life time trying to do the exact opposite, he knew that if she went back there then she wasn't ready to give in.

_[Back to back is all they are]_

He wanted to go to her, but he knew he couldn't. He'd like to think it's because he'd break down seeing her up close, or that she'd shoot him if he tried, but he knew it was neither. It's because nothing good could ever come of it.

_[Facing different directions]_

They'd supported each other, leaned on each other, for longer than forever. They found comfort in each other's presence, but he knew that the real essence of them was distance. The minute they got too close, whatever they had was lost.

_[Never seeing each other]_

They needed each other… they needed to be there, waiting…

_[Separated even in our closeness]_

… out of reach …

_[But maybe]_

A reminder that they weren't alone.

_[It's supposed to be that way]_

So instead of offering comfort in the way that was considered normal, he opted for what little solace he had to give in the form of aggravation, because he knew that if he couldn't make her smile, making her snarl was the next best thing.

xXxXxXxXxXx

'What?'

.::exitus::.


End file.
